Yesterday, Wednesday the 18th, was another one of those days. Chuck was irritable and agitated to say the very least. He had been filling up steadily since the last paracentesis which was on the 9th. The past week and a half (since that date) found him resting as much as possible with very little activity compared to what he had been doing in the weeks and months before, yet the liquid came just as fast as when he had ‘worn himself out’. This was a huge disappointment as we were expecting a little more advantage because he was so careful to rest much more. The situation caused a few stressful moments because facing the reality of it all is never easy. I have been working hard on not hiding my head in the sand, so to speak. Chuck is usually the realist in most matters. It never dawned on me that he may be struggling with the truth of it all.
After yesterday’s blow ups, I reluctantly rose this morning, not knowing what to expect. He seemed to be a lot more peaceful and was not in the pain he was feeling the night before. We were able to quietly communicate with one another and talk about our feelings and the reality of what was happening. I told him about my fears of deceiving myself and not facing the truth. I told him that I was not going to allow myself to slip into the fantasy role of not facing the truth of what was right in front of me. I could see he was allowing the facts to sink in. I could see he struggled in hearing what I was saying. He gently agreed and shed tears of acceptance. It was beyond touching. I went out for a very long run/walk in the fields and a time of prayer and reflection.
It has been Chuck’s idea and his desire to make an update for everyone. I kind of ignored it at first, not sure if he meant it, but he persisted today and this is what he came up with. At this point, I could not get hold of the VA offices today, so will try again in the a m and try to get him in tomorrow or Monday for another paracentesis. He is very uncomfortable, he coughs a lot and above all, he is irritable. Thank you all so much for your continued love and care and support.
You are LOVED and in my prayers all throughout the day!!
Loving you and sending my thoughts of comfort, my warmest and most humongous hugs!
Thank you, Heather and Chuck, for the update. I wish I were closer to hug you both, so sending cyber-hugs, lots of love and prayers. God Bless. <3 <3 <3